My blood pressure rises whenever I hear this one, and yet it is one of the most common pieces of marriage and relationship advice out there, and it needs to go.

What a great idea in concept. In reality, it often pressures couples to reach a resolution before they’re emotionally ready to have a productive conversation. It also insinuates that you’re doing something wrong if you do go to bed angry. Nonsense.

Example: I am feeling very angry at my husband for flirting with a woman at a party right in front of me, and I am supposed to somehow bury those feelings before sleepy time? Are you kidding me?

Human nervous systems don’t work that way. Feelings don’t have an electrical switch you can turn off and on.

And for some people, some betrayal events are so enormously painful that if they wait to sleep until all of them are tied up in a bow, they will never get sleep.