Fickle Golden Bachelor Fans Turn on Gerry Turner.
Gerry Turner is good, not perfect, just like fans.
by Becky Whetstone, Ph.D.
What a fickle audience Bachelor Nation can be. No sooner had American reality show fans embraced 72-year-old Gerry Turner as the breath of fresh air women needed to see on ABC’s hugely popular Golden Bachelor, which features older singles in the 60s to 70s range, they tore him down. Gerry’s stock dropped faster than Enron’s in 2001 after the season finale and a Nov 29 gotcha piece by Suzanne O’Malley and Barbara Lippert in the Hollywood Reporter, where they pointed out several discrepancies in the story Gerry told about himself during the show, and ABC’s producers had created about him. In addition, Golden Bachelor fans didn’t appreciate Gerry telling more than one woman he loved her, even though everyone knows the format is that he begins with 22 women, narrows the numbers down until he is left with two, and feelings often do develop. Heaven forbid, gracious and gentlemanly Gerry is an imperfect and flawed man. As a therapist and former newspaper reporter, I have a few things to say about Gerry, the Hollywood Reporter article, and how quickly Bachelor fans turned on the man.
Where Golden Bachelor fans got it wrong:
1. Gerry insinuated he hadn’t seriously dated anyone. He said on Entertainment Tonight, “I mean, I haven’t dated in 45 years.” Apparently, on the show, he said he hadn’t kissed in six years. Then Hollywood Reporter dragged out an old girlfriend who said she had dated Gerry starting about a month after his wife of 43 years, Toni, passed away. The woman, who remained anonymous in the piece, said she dated Gerry for almost three years, living with him for almost two. He is also known to have dated at least a couple of other women since his late wife passed away six years ago.
Therapist/journalist explanation: When I was a journalist, anonymous sources weren’t acceptable or used. If you’re going to stand up and trash someone, you need to have the guts to attach your name to it or the information you tell should be viewed highly suspiciously and never printed. It is unethical and unprofessional for the Hollywood Reporter to give the woman the cover of anonymity in a negative hit piece, especially when not offering Gerry the chance to defend himself. As a therapist and human being who has dated, I alone get to define who was significant in my life and worthy of making it in the history I tell about my life. If I dated you for three years, and I don’t mention our relationship as remarkable, then to me, it wasn’t. If I kissed a few men, and it wasn’t meaningful, I may process it as having not kissed. Don’t you know Gerry probably has quite a story to tell about Ms. Anonymous? What if the woman was crazy? Unhinged? What Gerry did before the show, who he did it with, and how he describes it or doesn’t is none of our business, and it doesn’t matter.
2. Gerry used the same lines on Golden Bachelor contestants he used on her. Heaven forbid. Fortunately, for those of us who throw out a stale line or two, we aren’t miked up and recorded and having it air on national television where old loves can be offended that our seduction techniques weren’t unique to them. Therapist/journalist explanation: Ridiculous. Nothing burger.
3. Gerry is a retired restauranteur. Hollywood Reporter states that he hasn’t owned a restaurant since 1985 and has had various odd jobs since, such as installing hot tubs and as a maintenance man. Therapist/journalist explanation: Are you trying to say he’s not a retired restauranteur? Do people know that people who retire young often do other things to keep them busy, engaged, and bringing in income? Does the fact the post-retirement jobs weren’t mentioned matter?
4. Once Ms. Anonymous moved in, Gerry surprised her by asking her to share expenses. I doubt this seriously. It makes no sense whatsoever. Therapist/journalist explanation: A retired man on a budget isn’t surprising. Even if it did happen, why did she stay with him if she was so offended by his sudden announcement about splitting expenses and his apparent frugality? Why is she telling this story now?
4. Gerry said he intended to marry Ms. Anonymous, and he didn’t. This stuff happens all the time. The saying goes, “All is fair in love and war,” so who cares? Do we sense a woman scorned out for a pound of flesh? I do.
5. Gerry wouldn’t take her to his high school reunion because she had gained 10 pounds. This is not believable. I’m betting he didn’t want to take her to the reunion because he didn’t want to take her. Therapist/journalist explanation: If she had been significant to him, he would have taken her.
6. Gerry misled several women about his feelings. Gerry used the word, love, several times with several women. Therapist/journalist explanation: What is love to Gerry, anyway? What is it to you? To say I love you in a moment of romance and passion doesn’t mean anything at the end of the day. It only becomes meaningful when it is understood exactly what he means. It doesn’t mean I will be with you forever; it doesn’t mean I will choose you at the end, it doesn’t mean anything except that, maybe, he is strongly attracted.
7. Stop falling for the PR. The Bachelor franchise historically exalts their featured bachelor or bachelorette. All reality shows play up compelling stories so that you will care about the people they want you to watch. None of them are perfect, and probably everyone has skeletons. Gerry’s friends, former co-workers, and family love him dearly by all accounts. Therapist/journalist explanation: All human beings are imperfect and flawed, to think otherwise is naive. Women longed for Gerry to be a perfect man of integrity who felt passionately and was emotionally available. We women need to know that it exists, and it does, maybe even in Gerry, but no man deserves to be put on a pedestal as being ideal because no one is. When American viewers put Gerry on a pedestal, there was only one way for him to go from there. And, if Ms. Anonymous hadn’t shown up, would we have been more willing to forgive him for his awkward mistakes?
8. Where is your empathy? Could you imagine being in Gerry’s shoes? How would you have handled your imperfect past and your enthusiasm to move forward into something new? How would you have narrowed down your choices from 22 people to only one? Could you do it without offending someone? Could you see yourself being torn up over two people and figuring out how to handle it without causing much pain? What if the nation skewered you because they didn’t like how you handled yourself with the one you didn’t choose? What if one of your former lovers came out anonymously and called you out? Could you do all of this with a camera and microphone in your face, knowing that whatever happens, it’ll be televised nationwide?
Ultimately, Gerry Turner had to choose one woman to become engaged to or go home alone. In the two-hour finale, we saw his final days with Leslie Fhima, who portrayed herself as the woman who never quite lands the guy, and professional Theresa Nist. Both women seemed to be extraordinary. Though it appeared he was leaning toward free-spirited Leslie, something happened in the fantasy suites/overnight date, a first opportunity to be alone without cameras and microphones, that tilted Gerry all the way into the Theresa camp. The next day, when Gerry iced up in Costa Rica on his last visit with Leslie before handing out the final rose, the retired restaurateur, who wears hearing aids, became awkward and had a hard time telling her that he’d be giving the last rose to Theresa. It was painful to watch. All I could think of was, “Here is a man who truly values being a gentleman, has a camera in his face, knows this moment will be shown all over the world in a few months, and there is no seamless way to tell her what he must.” It had to go wrong because the whole scenario of dating 22 women and narrowing it down to one in two months is wrong.
When Gerry went into the fantasy suites, he visited Leslie first. What makes sense is that in that moment, he told her she was the right woman for him, and maybe he even told her he would choose her. This would explain her bitter reaction a few days later when the tides had turned in Theresa’s favor. Women cheered when Leslie told him off then and again during a visit with host Jesse Palmer and Gerry on the season finale. I didn’t. I understood the entire predicament was complicated and ripe for flakiness and indecision.
This all leaves us wondering, what did Theresa say or do on the overnight date that caused Gerry to flip a 180 and choose her? Did she tell him she was a multimillionaire and that he’d never have to worry about money again? Did she help him sort through his difficult decision and make him an offer he couldn’t refuse? I’ll always wonder. Ultimately, she was the only woman at the final rose ceremony. They announced at the season finale that they planned a televised wedding on January 4, 2024, a few weeks from now. I wish them well.
Whether 64-year-old fitness instructor Leslie Fhima becomes the future Golden Bachelorette remains to be seen. They are casting for more shows featuring seniors now, and this, in the end, is the real news.
Becky Whetstone, Ph.D., is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Arkansas and Texas* and is known as America’s Marriage Crisis Manager®. She is a former features writer and columnist for the San Antonio Express-News and has worked with thousands of couples to save their marriages. She can work with you, too, as a life coach. She is also co-host of the Call Your Mother Relationship Show on YouTube and has a private practice in Little Rock, Arkansas, as a life coach via Zoom. To contact her, check out www.DoctorBecky.com and www.MarriageCrisisManager.com. Don’t forget to follow her on Medium so you don’t miss a thing!
For licensure verification, find Becky Whetstone Cheairs.
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