Most People Have Terrible Communication Skills and Dislike Those Who Don’t.
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Most People Have Terrible Communication Skills and Dislike Those Who Don’t.

Not telling people the truth about who you are and what you want and need is one of the interpersonal and communication skills people get wrong, and I’m sick of it.

Trying to communicate with one of these Titans of Allusion and Vagueness is frustrating, and asking them for information is like squeezing the juice out of a log. Do they need help with M? Do they want to do X, Y, or B? Would they like to go to K? How do they feel about Z? Do they want G or V? Whatever happened with that thing they said they would do? Whatever answer they give, if they give you one, it may be disingenuous fluff and/or a deflection designed to get the attention off of them.

Their non-answer answers are gauged not to disappoint or upset, to avoid negative judgment and scrutiny, and to keep their actual views hidden, especially if they think you won’t like the answer. They are incapable of a healthy relationship and can only be surface friends with most and are deeply known or close friends with virtually no one — they usually allow their true feelings to be known to one or two unlucky ones who see the depth of their disappointments and resentments.

Don’t Date Your Ex’s New Spouse’s Ex and Other Good Ideas.
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Don’t Date Your Ex’s New Spouse’s Ex and Other Good Ideas.

Some things in life are unspoken rules. I don’t know if people tell us not to do these things or if our common sense does. One of the rules is not to date your best friend’s ex unless you have spoken with them about it and gotten their blessing, or any close friend, for that matter. Others are don’t cut in line, don’t stand too close, don’t talk about your bodily functions, don’t talk about your life miseries and ailments on a first date, let people exit before you enter, don’t touch other people’s things, leave things as you found them, and on and on. We do these things because we are 8 billion people on one planet, and we have to all get along. Considering other people’s feelings and sensibilities before acting is a good and excellent thing and the best way for you to get along in this world, too.

The Divorce Stories We Tell Are Based in Fiction.
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The Divorce Stories We Tell Are Based in Fiction.

People will tell their stories however they will; we can do nothing about it. There is no need to defend, beg them not to, or go around trying to correct their verbal messes. Stop trying to create a perfect world where all injustices are solved, and everything is wrapped up in a bow. The only sane approach is to leave it alone, live your own life, and let it pass. Everyone but a Buddhist monk loves the drama of short and nasty divorce stories; it’s human nature, but the good news is that people who hear them will think about it for maybe fifteen seconds and never again. It simply is not the big deal you may think it is when someone speaks about you being a shrew or bastard from hell.

Why Controlling People Don’t Know They’re Controlling.
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Why Controlling People Don’t Know They’re Controlling.

Expectations of one adult to another are an enormous waste of time, as is wishing the person was different than what they are, but controlling partners are usually full of them. Think about how completely ridiculous it is: I have a variety of rules and guidelines in my head that I expect you to follow, or I’ll be mad at you. Who in the heck do these people think they are?

How Accepting Your Spouse’s Divorce Decision Can Save Your Marriage.
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How Accepting Your Spouse’s Divorce Decision Can Save Your Marriage.

Those who are strong in crisis win in the end. Are you healthy enough to be strong and resilient when life gives you a hard time or when terrible things happen and you get knocked on your ass? Can you return to calmness after the initial shock, console yourself in despair during personal attacks or emotional injury, and control what you say and do?

Stop assholes now

Women: It’s Your Fault Men Are Jerks and Assholes.

We could stop people from acting like jerks and treating us with disrespect if we valued ourselves enough to set appropriate boundaries. The way it ought to be is that bad behavior should never have a positive payoff. The only reason people can get away with less-than behavior is that we allow it.

Like beasts of burden, too many tolerate the intolerable and bestow benefits of love, friendship, and relationship on those who treat us terribly and with impunity. People complain in therapy sessions about the different ways people offend them with words and deeds, yet they repeatedly go back to the trough. What does a therapist do with that?

Why some people act like they like us when they don’t.

Why some people act like they like us when they don’t.

Because of people like Disneylanders, life, at times, can be unnerving. Who is the real deal? Who can you really count on? Who is sincere and really means everything they say? It feels like a traffic jam of the mind to learn that some people pretend to enjoy your company — most of us prefer spending time with those who really do. Since Disneylanders hold their cards tightly to their chest, you can still spot them if you note their always pleasant demeanor, their resistance to hearing non-sugar-coated revelations, and their lack of reciprocity. They will never ever seek you out for any reason unless there is something in it for them. And there could always be something they want or need from you, so they’ll never burn the bridge.