Expectations of one adult to another are an enormous waste of time, as is wishing the person was different than what they are, but controlling partners are usually full of them. Think about how completely ridiculous it is: I have a variety of rules and guidelines in my head that I expect you to follow, or I’ll be mad at you. Who in the heck do these people think they are?
Those who are strong in crisis win in the end. Are you healthy enough to be strong and resilient when life gives you a hard time or when terrible things happen and you get knocked on your ass? Can you return to calmness after the initial shock, console yourself in despair during personal attacks or emotional injury, and control what you say and do?
Like a moth to a flame, people who pay good money to learn about personal growth and get solid, well-grounded advice about their relationships will often ignore what they’re told and head straight into the fire of self sabotage, come what may. I get to watch this dynamic week and week out as I consult with people whose marriages are either hanging by a thread or in the beginning stages of an amicable divorce, which often will end up not being amicable once their parting spouse finds out what they’re up to. This is why it is sometimes painful to be me.
When They Show a Therapist Who They Are, It’s Over. Oprah tells the story of how she complained about someone to her…
Just Say You Screwed the Marriage Up, Then Work to Change. Marriage therapists hear frequent excuses and justifications for foolish behaviors in…
We could stop people from acting like jerks and treating us with disrespect if we valued ourselves enough to set appropriate boundaries. The way it ought to be is that bad behavior should never have a positive payoff. The only reason people can get away with less-than behavior is that we allow it.
Like beasts of burden, too many tolerate the intolerable and bestow benefits of love, friendship, and relationship on those who treat us terribly and with impunity. People complain in therapy sessions about the different ways people offend them with words and deeds, yet they repeatedly go back to the trough. What does a therapist do with that?
I am an advocate for the end of the nasty divorce. Especially when there are children involved. To me, it is one of the most ridiculous, wasteful, idiotic ways to end an unhappy marriage. It must stop, but I need you to help. In my plan for an amicable divorce, the marriage and family therapist plays the largest role, adversarial lawyers play no role, and collaborative lawyers play a less significant role. I have realized that people can’t or won’t go the amicable route without professional support. They need help and coaching along the way. I see it as cradling them through the process as they adjust to a new life as a single parent and find healthy ways to navigate that and all of the negative emotions they will undoubtedly encounter.
There are things one should never tell their miserably unhappy spouse. For example, if you want to infuriate a person, one of the best ways is to tell them that their concerns or emotions aren’t justified. I have breaking news for the world: feelings are organic and can’t be ordered on Amazon or concocted on demand. I can’t decide to be angry; it just happens. Feelings are how our soul speaks to us. Whatever feeling we have is actually a tap on our shoulder by our soul telling us, “Look at this and see what’s going on.”
Adult Children Set The Rules for How They Live. Adult children often ask me to coach them on how to deal with parents…
It’s easy to screw kids up, and your parents probably did. by Becky Whetstone, Ph.D. If you’re struggling with living a life…
SIGN UP BELOW and
We promise not to abuse it or bombard you with spam, and we will never sell it.
No products in the cart.