“Personal growth,” you say? “What does that have to do with anything, my marriage is on the brink. Just give me the information I need to help my marriage, then leave me alone!”
Wish it was that easy, folks. But to overlook personal growth is to ignore an enormously important part of your – or any – relationship’s health. Why? Because great relationships require two partners who bring their best selves to the marriage. Two best selves that create a solid foundation on which to build a relationship house. So with that said, can you honestly say at this time that you and your partner are doing that? I didn’t think so.
Whether you are the person who is leaning out of your marriage, or you are the person who wants to save it, this is a moment in your life where you really need to take stock of your life. Ask yourself: Am I reaching my potential, am I the best I can be? Have I been the partner I always imagined that I would be? Where have I fallen short? What can I do better?
Mind, Body, Spirit
These are days when the best use of the time you have on your own is to learn how to bring your mind, body & spirit into alignment. Why? Because whether your relationship makes it or not, you are not going to want to go through something like this ever again, and no matter what, surely you want to make it through this experience in the most positive and least painful way. The best way to do this is to maximize your own personal health and well being during this period of crisis, a period when the future of your relationship is a giant question mark. Trust me, I know firsthand that this is a time when doing positive things for yourself is the best way you could possibly be spending your time…
Doctor Becky’s Story
I have been married more than once, which has everything to do with why I am so passionate about this work as a Marriage Crisis Manager. During two divorces I learned the value of having a personal growth concept. The first time I felt so clueless and dependent that I wanted to learn all I could about what was going on, what I could do about it, how could I fix myself in the areas where I knew I was falling short, and how could I feel better? So, I spent every possible moment when I did not have my children dedicated to these propositions. I went back to school to prepare myself for a career in journalism (financial independence!), I learned that eating certain healthy foods and exercising and being active drastically improved my energy and mood, I went to regular psychotherapy to gain insight into myself and my relationships, I attended self-help workshops, and devoured books on how to be mentally and emotionally healthy. These actions began to change my life in ways that I still benefit from today!
The second time, I happened to be in graduate school studying Marriage & Family Therapy so I could have the credentials I needed to be a relationship guru in the media. I was an emotional wreck because of a divorce I could not prevent, which was all the more ironic because I was working to become a relationship expert, but I knew the best way to spend the energy I had was to dig deeper and learn and grow even more on my journey to mind, body health. Now I spent all of my research time learning about how to be balanced and thriving as a single person, how to choose mates (an area that I ultimately concluded was the key to my failed relationships), how have healthy relationships, how to know when your relationships are failing, and how to bring them into health.
My goal was twofold: To create a career that would help people in ways that I could never find when I was in my own relationships and marriage crisis’, and to prepare myself for the healthy relationship that had alluded me all my life, one that I longer for and would be rich, deep and lasting.
A Blueprint for Joy & Happiness
The path I took is a basic blueprint for the one I am suggesting for you. It has led me to a most joyful and satisfying life, with a solid and lasting love relationship. I literally reap the rewards for all of my hard work and time spent maximizing my mind, body and spirit health. This is what I strongly encourage you to do for you, right now, without delay. What I hope will be different for you is the details … a purposeful life with meaning, doing whatever it is that you are passionate about and keeps you excited about life. A body that rewards you with energy and vitality because of how well you take care of it, and a mind that functions optimally because you have learned how to process life and information in the healthiest possible ways. In the end, you will be a healthy captain of your own ship, calmly floating down the river of life, knowing how to relate with others, and to nurture and relax yourself when needed.
With this sort of plan there is no way you can lose. And, the best thing is, if you are hoping to save your marriage, focusing on optimizing your mind, body and spirit health will vastly improve the chance that you will get what you want, which is to keep your family intact.
I promise you that no matter how interested or disinterested your partner may be in you right now, they will take notice if you begin positive work on yourself in a fiercely determined way. It will figure into their decision-making process as they ask themselves, “Can my spouse change and grow? Will they change and grow?”
We all know that you cannot go back to the way things have been in your relationship, as it is proven that it did not work. This is a time of opportunity to set these positive changes in motion – don’t waste one more minute, let’s get started on your journey!