My partner and are in a long-term relationship, but aren’t married. Would what you do help us?
Certainly. The dynamics are the same whether you are legally married or not. Relationships all deteriorate and die in the same way, and in the same patterns. Couples who haven’t officially lived together, but have had a long term serious and committed relationship can also be helped to save their relationship in much the same way.
Do you work with same-sex couples?
What if my relationship is terrible and my partner will not participate in therapy or counseling of any sort?
Although working with two willing partners is ideal, we can still help you through your relationship issues without your partner. Please understand that if you change your relationship will change, there’s no way around it.
I’ve seen all sorts of separation documents for sale on the Internet. How do they differ from your Managed Separation agreement?
You can buy boilerplate legal forms on the Internet for over $100, it’s true, but they are full of legalese and not what most couples are looking for. I wrote my separation agreement for couples in normal language, and it’s designed to bring a purpose and a time frame to the separation. It has rules created by an experienced therapist that are designed to give you the best chance for reconciliation. Far too many couples divorce prematurely and this is designed to prevent that. The legal separation forms found on the Internet are more about division of children and spousal maintenance. Its purpose is completely different.
Why do most therapists know nothing about Marriage Crisis Management?
It’s not something that is talked about a lot in graduate school. There, you learn a little about a lot of things from child therapy, to addiction, sex therapy and more. Most students develop special interest areas and then spend their research and study time learning as much as they can about that. My special interest area was always marriage crisis, separation and how people decide to divorce. I devoted almost all of my focus to that subject, and of all the people I have met in the years since graduate school I have never met anyone else with that specialty though there is definitely a need for it.
I notice that Doctor Becky is a licensed therapist, so is this covered by insurance?
The work Doctor Becky does on the Marriage Crisis Manager web site is consulting and advice, not mental health counseling, and therefore not covered by insurance.
What can you do that will help me? You’re just a person, and all you do is talk? I’ve never believed in therapists and therapy.
I hear this a lot, especially from people who only came in to see me when their relationship got so stuck that is was get a divorce or take a chance on a therapist and see if it might help or do something, maybe even the impossible. I wish all of those people could talk to you now! Anyway, I understand what you are saying, and I get the idea of, “What can someone say that could get me out of this huge mess,” but the answer to that is, a lot. Therapy changed my own life years ago. It changed it so much that it made me want to be part of this amazing process. I help people every day and the work is rewarding because I see how people change and their relationships turn around. The way I look at it as I used to not know a darn thing about relationships, and it showed in the quality of relationships I had – they were terrible! Now that I have studied, and continue to study and learn every day, I have a lot to teach, a lot of good news for people about how they can find joy and happiness in life, and relationships. When you learn these things and apply them to your life and knowledge, you can have it too, and I truly believe and know this.